I'm worried if I'm making the right choice. My Chinese students love me and little do they know, I won't be coming back. I won't get to volunteer at the Tribeca Film Festival. I won't get to enjoy Central Park in the summer time or walk home at 4am drunk and deliriously happy. But most of all I have to say good bye to someone I'm afraid I'll never see again. I keep telling myself that the timing just isn't right at the moment and it may never will be, but he has burrowed into my heart and festered much more than anyone I've ever known. I never even dated him but I want to more than anything in the world. With this in mind, I know if he feels an ounce of what I do, 2 and a half years won't matter but once again I feel like something was dangled there in front of me at the moment after it's too late. First it was another guy and now it's Peace Corps.

I spent the weekend packing and I know its created some tension in the apartment. No one likes to see boxes andI'm very happy to be the first one out. I couldnt bear to sit here and watch them pack and leave me behind. It's much better this way.

I'm going for a run.